Unhealthy relationships: a Twilight, Graceling Comparison

Should we be Worried about what Young Adults are Reading?

Romance books since the beginning of time have portrayed unhealthy relationships with submissive females succumbing to their desires with controlling men, and some are concerned as these themes make their way into young adult fiction that the impressionable minds of teens will be swayed to model their own relationships after these unhealthy ones.

Since Twilight’s release it has come under crossfire for portraying the relationship between a meek female girl and her stalkerish, controlling vampire boyfriend as a healthy relationship when there are obvious unhealthy aspects of their partnership. Another book, Graceling by Kristen Cashore, takes the opposite approach to the relationship in its story with a strong independent female lead, however I find this relationship to be just as unhealthy as the one in Stephanie Meyer's Twilight.

To be fair, Twilight and Graceling aren’t the only books with unhealthy relationships in them. Literature is full of unhealthy relationships, just look at Heathcliff and Catherine from Wuthering Heights. Their relationship was (no pun intended) the height of dysfunction, however at least Heathcliff and Catherine were equally selfish, and horrible to one another. Or look at Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet, Twilight has been criticized for portraying this unequivocal, undying, I can’t live without you kind of love between Bella and Edward but, this concept isn’t at all new. (Though you could argue that Romeo and Juliet did it better). Also, there is a difference between showing unhealthy relationships in books and showing unhealthy relationships as if they were healthy. In Wuthering Heights it was obvious that Heathcliff and Cathy did not have a healthy relationship, this was not as obvious in Twilight nor Graceling.

Now, I don't want to comment on writing style or anything else with these books. I just want to focus on the relationships they display. So, here's a short side by side comparison.

Main Character: Bella – clumsy, weak, overly-trusting, average,   Love Interest: Edward - mysterious, brooding, overprotective, possesive, secretive   Novel’s view on sex: absolutely wait until you’re married, even if you're only eighteen or over a hundred.   Edward has the power in his relationship with Bella. In New Moon he leaves thinking he’s trying to protect Bella, but he makes this decision completely on his own without letting Bella have any say in it. He makes a number of decisions for the both of them without taking what Bella wants into account. Edward is physically stronger than Bella. Edward treats Bella like she’s fragile and in need of protecting. Edward keeps secrets from Bella about what he is. When Bella finds out what he is she instantly trusts him completely.

Main Character: Katsa – strong, agile, empowered, guarded, an outcast, hot temper   Love Interest: Po - snarky, charming, bold, secretive   Novel’s view on sex: there’s no need to have commitment of any kind with those you sleep with.   Katsa has the power in her relationship with Po. She tells him that she might just up and leave one day, without any regard to Po’s feelings or suggestion of commitment to their relationship. She only asks if he can handle this. Katsa calls the shots in her relationship keeping herself guarded and untrusting.     Katsa is physically stronger than Po. Katsa and Po spar together until Po is covered in bruises.   Po keeps secrets from Katsa about what he is. When Katsa discovers Po’s secret she’s so mad at him she doesn’t even want to let him explain.

In neither of these books are the characters equals with their partners, though one could argue that by the end of the Twilight saga Edward and Bella become equals, as they could with Graceling. And in truth, just because one character is physically stronger than their partner does not mean they can’t have an equal relationship. The problem with the inequality of both Bella and Edward’s relationship as well as Katsa and Po’s is that one character holds all the power in the relationship where the other has none. This is unhealthy.

In Twilight Bella would do anything for Edward, she’s willing to die for him, and he becomes the only thing of any importance in her life. This all encompassing view of Edward that she has is not healthy. But, it's not healthy to get into a relationship where you're unwilling to open up to the other person either. In Graceling Katsa has no interest in relationships what so ever. She hates the idea of marriage and thinks of it as this horrible oppressive thing that has absolutely no benefits. After a few chapters she’s so afraid of giving up her newfound freedom that she offers zero commitment to Po when the attraction starts to grow between them. In both of these cases these relationships are presented as healthy when they are not. A healthy relationship has both equality as well as commitment, these things are essential for happiness and trust.

One thing I will say is that in Twilight the negative aspects of Bella and Edward’s relationship were not glorified (despite what some may say, I truly do not think they were). The unhealthy choices made, such as Edward leaving Bella for "her own good", do not turn out well and it’s obvious later that these were bad decisions to have made, though at the time they are made they are presented as perfectly normal decisions to be making in a relationship. And, as for Graceling it does seem that by the end of the book Katsa does develop some kind of commitment to Po, though she continues to hate the idea of marriage and still refuses to see anything positive about it. (I guess I just wish Bella had given Edward a little more grief for leaving her and I wish Po hadn't been so calm about Katsa's inability to give him even an ounce of commitment)

My reason for writing this post is that Twilight has gotten a lot of backlash for portraying an unhealthy relationship, however I think Graceling shows the same level of unhealthy attitude in a relationship the difference being that the roles are switched from a man having all the power in a relationship to a woman having all the power in a relationship, but no one is talking about Graceling being unhealthy. When a man gets into a relationship with zero commitment to the woman we call him a "player" but when a woman does it she's "empowered"? The truth is the relationships in Twilight and in Graceling are both unhealthy. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a man or a woman who’s being controlling and holding all the power in a relationship, it’s wrong either way. Couples should work together to compromise and make each other feel supported.

Now, I’m not saying these are bad books. I enjoyed both of them, and I certainly loved Wuthering Heights. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with writing about a relationship that has unhealthy elements in it in a story, because let’s be honest, that’s reality. Relationships can be unhealthy sometimes. People do sometimes feel so engrossed in another person that it feels like they’d die without them, and they do build up walls to protect themselves and fear commitment. But, the young adults who are reading these books need to recognize that the unhealthy parts of these stories are not okay. And, honestly I think they will. Young adults are not going to be brainwashed into thinking that your boyfriend not allowing you to see one of your friends is okay. They’re gonna say, “Hey, that was really messed up that Bella had to sneak out to see Jacob.” Or at least, that’s what I hope.  

Review for Opal by Jennifer Armentrout

Passion and a Great Plot

5 stars. I loved Katy and Daemon’s relationship in this book, and the development of all the characters was fabulous. Everyone has grown and changed since the last book. This is a series that hooked me from the very first book and I can’t wait for the next installment.

Opal is the third book in the Lux series by Jennifer Armentrout and it does not disappoint. This steamy alien-romance novel was nothing I expected and yet at the same time everything I hoped it would be. I loved that nothing happened too easily. I wanted Katy and Dee to make up so badly, but with what happened in Onyx the distance between them in this book is believable. It takes time for their friendship to mend, just like it takes time for Dawson to come around and to get back into the swing of things.

I was excited to start reading this knowing that Katy and Daemon were finally together, and once I got into Opal I felt like their relationship was completely natural. I liked that they still had that snarkiness between them and that they still pushed each other’s buttons. I also liked that what kept Katy and Daemon from hooking up was nothing more than the fact that they kept getting interrupted. I’ve read too many books where the main character is trying to be a good role model by waiting for marriage, but that’s not always realistic. For Katy and Daemon they don’t have sex right away, but it’s not for a lack of trying, and some of the interruptions that break them up are quite funny. Then when things finally do work out for them it feels right and is written incredibly well.

I also liked that while this book had enough sexiness to keep me smiling, it didn’t feel like the characters were ignoring the more serious issues in the plot. Onyx left a lot of loose ends that needed to be tied up and this book takes care of most of them but still leaves a few things to wonder for the next book. And, with that cliffhanger of an ending Origin is going to be completely different than I was expecting. This series has thrown one surprise after another at me and the release of Origin can’t come soon enough.

If you haven’t started this series yet, pick up Obsidian today.

Read my Review for Obsidian
Read my Review for Onyx

Review for My Soul to Save by Rachel Vincent

A Nice Next Step in the Soul Screamer's Series

4 stars. I liked this book, just not quite as much as the first one. It had an interesting story line and I loved the characters, but the plot just didn’t draw me in like the first book did. I kind of saw the ending coming and while there were still surprises I just wasn’t as sucked in. Still it was a good story and I am still interested in reading the third book.

As with the first book I loved these characters. Kaylee and Nash’s relationship develops a little, though not as much as I would have liked. She was still worried that the only reason Nash likes her is to try and get with her, which I didn’t completely understand. After the things they’ve been to I’d like to think that she could trust him more. Tod was one of my favorite characters in this book, you get to see his softer side and it was fun watching him and Addy interact. But, I wish there had been more Emma in this book. I think she’s a wonderful character and I didn’t get to see as much of her as I would have liked. Her part in this book seemed just to be convenient to move the plot along. Also, I wish Vincent would have done a little more with Em dying and being brought back in the first book.

I still liked Kaylee and her stubbornness and concern for others, but she was a little too hard on herself about the bad things that happened to other people. She seemed to think it was her responsibility to save these girls, even though it’s not her fault that they died or chose to sell their souls. There are also a few places where some really dumb decisions made, and I couldn’t completely understand why the characters made the choices they did. For example, Kaylee gets cut by this poisonous plant but she thinks she can wait to take care of it, even though it really hurts and she knows it can kill her. I think she was being a little too selfless. Also I thought Addy could have tried harder to keep her sister from signing that contract. Why didn’t she show her her eyes?

There was some confusion with just what souls are in this book. Are we souls, or are we bodies with souls? When Addy sells her soul and has it replaced with Demon’s Breath it seems that we are bodies and souls are just things we have, but the concept of the last book and a lot of this one is that souls are important and that they are who we are. This is why it’s such a bad thing for Addy to die without one. I was just confused as to what the soul is in context of the story.

One thing I really liked about this book was the Netherworld. I was fascinated with it and the creatures that existed there. It was the one thing about this story that was really new and interesting. I felt like in the beginning of this book there was a lot of time spent re-capping what happened in the first book. I think this would have been good had I not read the first book, but since I had, and done so shortly before starting this one it got redundant for me. Also I felt like the ending was a little predictable, but I was glad that it wasn’t a happy-go-lucky, everything is find kind of ending. And, I did really like the conversation between Kaylee and Tod. That last little piece where they speak at the graveyard left me wanting to read the third book.

Read my Review for My Soul to Take, the First book in the Soul Screamer's Series